No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
