dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I know her cup size but not her name....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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