I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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