i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
