if i died would you start the facebook group?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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