Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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