Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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