I just pynch a tree in the face
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When are your genitals available?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
