Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
