in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
What a dumb baby whore.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
