Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
