I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
