this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
two words: eviction party
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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