living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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