Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
