Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
