Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
