i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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