So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
