he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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