He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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