Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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