I could have mohawked her pubes.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
