wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
