Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
