she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
