His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
