just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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