I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
