How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just google imaged poop.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
