A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
