we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
