Soap is not a condiment
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
