thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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