Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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