i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
