i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
