I love black thongs
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
