I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You are a genius and a whore.
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