great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
