i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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