i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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