hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
