i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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