mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
