we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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