Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
