I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Also, beer. Big fan.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
