Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
