Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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