He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
