Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
