I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
