they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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