I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
