Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
