Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
