Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
